Tuesday, January 05, 2010

YES, I GOTTA GO.




I don't know how else to put this.
It's taking me so long to do this.
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight.

My muscles feel like a melee,
My body's curled in a U-shape.
I put on my best, but I'm still afraid.

Propped up by lies and promises.
Saving my place as life forgets.
Maybe it's time I saw the world.

I'm only here for a while.
And patience is not my style,
And I'm so tired that I got to go.

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I supposed to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?

Tell me I should stick around for you.
Tell me I can have it all.
I'm still too tired to care and I got to go.

I get to go home in one week.
But I'm leaving home in three weeks.
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry.

I'm following suit and directions.
I crawl up inside for protection.
I'm told what to do and I don't know why.

I'm over-existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I don't really mind if I just fade away

I'm ready to live with my family.
I'm ready to die in obscurity
Cause I'm so tired that I got to go.

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I supposed to do?
You still don't think I'm gonna see this through.

Tell me I'm a part of history.
Tell me I can have it all.
I'm still too tired to care and I got to go.
-NURWATY YAZID

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

jerk (–noun) - a contemptibly naive, fatuous, foolish, or inconsequential person.

after understanding what it means, i thought to myself, i was even worse than a jerk. people may not know what is the matter with us. wait, let me rephrase that, people may not know why is the author of this blog is gonna delete this site and move on to another.

people may think (or may not) that, he's only a jerk what. why until wanna delete the blog? so over siak. this is where i come in. im gonna put away my pride/ego or whatever u guys wanna call it. kental or what not. I DONT CARE.

i have not been a good boyfriend for the past 6 years. the only thing that kept us alive is her ongoing love for me, chance after chance that she had given me, year after year she had been waiting for me to change for the better. and what did i do? i changed. but not for long. after she starts being head over heels for me again, i became the usual self. i chatted with other girls, met other girls, messaging other girls, giving good morning/night messages, giving kisses through the phone which i was suppose to do to her. instead, she will be the one saying, "i love you" at the very end of our conversation. EVERY SINGLE TIME. what did i say? it will be different when time goes on actually. first i would say, "love you too". and after a while, "me too". and then, "ok". the very worse is when i just hung up the phone.

so, after the first paragraph, do i need to explain further how i mistreat her? u guys may get the point but this is 6 years im talking about. if i can do this, i can do a lot WORSE. she will be calling whenever she get the chance to. and if i dont answer the phone, i would just tell her off and say "later i call u back lah". which i dont. and when she wait and wait and cannot wait further, she will call again. i would say, "eh jgn call2 boleh tak?! @#%%@". see? now tell me, which of u girls can take it what i did to her for 6 SHITTY YEARS I HAD BEEN GIVING HER?!

I ALWAYS TOOK HER FOR GRANTED

we even took turns getting even with each other until i dont realise that i was the ROOT cause of all these. i cheated on her first. but what did i tell my closest friends/family when she cheated? i blamed her. ALL THE BLAME ON HER that i became like this when actually i was the one who created all THESE. and everytime when she just snapped out of it and dont want me anymore, i'll be that guardian angel trying to win her back. telling her this will be the last time i would do this. which u know, it wont be the last time. so tell me, when this thing happen again after we got engaged. who would have the right mind to give in AGAIN?! i wouldnt if u ask me. still, i do this. dont wanna let her go after she already made up her mind not to be with me. to call of the engagement. and there was i, BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS. AGAIN. i feel like slapping myself.

this is not just another bf/gf relationship that im trying to save. im trying to save the engagement. to whoever who came on that day would know that she felt really happy and she would thought that at last, i changed. but, sadly.. as u know, i didnt.

this entry was not created by force. this is entirely me, Edd that goes by the name of Muhammad Syamil. after writing all these down, i just dont know how to even forgive myself. HOW ON EARTH DID SHE DO THAT? how can she forgive me when i did all these to her? look at how strong she is. IF one day, she really decides not to continue this relationship with me, pls, let her future bf/fiancee/husband read this entry and know that she is that loving, kind, forgiving. EVERYTHING. dont be STUPID like me.

if there are any grammar errors, i just dont bother to correct it. as long as u understand what im trying to convey in this entry. i may left out some points that led to the break up. feel free to ask me even more. i just wanna let her know now that, i love her so much.

i love you nurwaty yazid, whatever your decision may be.

yours sincerely,
edd
this is edd.

i've been a jerk lately. i made my baby so sad, she wanna leave. but i cant let that happen can i?

so,

IM SORRY SAYANG

sape tak sayang bini oiiiiiiii. alright that's all. back to sleep.

(PS: THE REV DIED! HES MY FUCKING IDOL GODDAMMIT! OMG!)

Monday, December 28, 2009


HELLO EVERYONE,
I AM NOT USING THIS BLOG
ANYMORE.
yes, you've heard it from me. BETOL NI WATY CKP.

PLS STAY TUNED IN YOUR BLOG'S TAGGY FOR MORE DETAILS BEFORE THE TABLES ARE BEING TURNED TO ME, THIS BLOG IS BEING DELETED AND THE PROBLEMS BEING SHOVED UP MY ASS.

FOR THOSE WHO DOESN'T OWN A BLOG BUT STILL WANTS AN UPDATE PASAL KORG KAYPOH, MASOK JE BLOG KAWAN KAU YG ADER LINK AKU AND CHECK TAGGY DORG. SYG KORANG LAH. ISH.

LOVE,
MATILDA DAHLING <3<3

ps: yeah i go fix hair extentions. prettay or wat.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

haha!!

taken from yankaykay's tweets:

"How a person eats is an indication of how he/she is in bed. Go figure.

On the eating tweet. If he takes food for u n makes sure u have food n u've enough, it prob means he's giving n considerate.

If he eats noisily or sloppily it might indicate he's likewise in bed too. Nothing to do w swallowing la u guys! Lol

Though if u eat really fast, it could mean u're always in a hurry n just wanna get it over n done w.
So the next time u dine w someone u fancy, take time to observe. It might/might not be accurate :) "


HAHAHAHA. omg?


ok bye.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

eh?
EH???

EH?? i got blog ah?
i forget.

anyways, tyrantula had a great gig last saturday at cineleisure.
THEY WERE AWESOME.

byk glitch jugak lah, like amie tak bergerak, edd nyer hi-hat tak functioning well, ben nyer bass wire i accidentally stepped on beh terputos while concentrating on snapping. BUT WHO NOTICED? NO ONE, but manager kecik. (pfft. goodbye post.) COS THEY WERE AWESOME!!

there were alot of support from the pple that stopped by to watch.. awesome.
but wads more important is to have the support from the close love ones.

eh. im sorry. i have no mood to blog abt that la. i was abit 'disturbed' abt sumthing.

on a lighter note,
im busy preparing ngah's wedding guestbook n practicing the henna pattern i will be doing on her malam berinai. yes i volunteered everything, (no i did not self promote myself, but i was approached by the bride) cos i was taught n brought up to 'give while you can', n i love her alot cos i've known her before and after she met abg iz n im so happy for them that they're getting married. its always nice to see sumone get together and get married in the end.

mine's still a looong way to go. insyAllah. Amin.

i wud love to upload tyrantula's pictures that i took but im sorry, like i said im abit 'disturbed' about sumthing.

masok facebook beh view lah gmbr dorg.

sumthing happened last nite. i was in such confused state.
i dunnoe if was dreaming or it was really there.
a pontianak was moving back n forth at the foot of my bed.
i actually SAW it move. n i cant move n i scolded her to get out (in my heart lah, i canot talk to it). which she did by heading out the window.
and then i continued sleeping with a heart rate of a sprinter.

i mean cool lah kan there's sumone to watch you sleep. BUT WADAHELL its a pontianak?
i've blog before that i've NEVER saw it inside my house, let alone my room!! it'll always be only a cry or whimper outside the window n the next door neighbor's dog wud howl. ni dlm bilek. tau lah tkder org solat dlm bilek tuh but what she wants? my hair? my fake hair extentions that keep? my eggs? my ovaries? to be my slave? food? shampoo? baby? i got no baby in my tummy! who sent? want to take wad?
wad she waaaannt??!!

im not scared. honestly. throw me in the jungle/cemetery alone for the night i'll survive without peeing myself. the oni thing i'll be afraid of is babi hutan or dogs. if im ever acting scared when u bring me to dark places, its just me being manje/ngada2/girlish. I AM NOT SCARED OF GHOST. IM just, ANGRY.

i do not, i repeat, DO NOT LIKE TO BE WATCHED WHILE IM SLEEPING unless u just had sex with me n u think i looked beautiful sleeping on your chest/arm/tummy.

k bye.